Tuesday, January 15, 2008

side effects to stand up comedy

If your wisdom comes from stand up comics and their various avatars - you are in trouble. Its been scientifically unproven that you will suffer from a frequent wisdom over-write, a condition i would call the laughing short stock syndrome. In other words, unbeknownst to you your mind is playing a last comic standing on you. Another side effect is the frequent-use-of-borrowed-jokes-without-giving-the-proper-credit syndrome.
As of today my wisdom bank looks as follows -
  • An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if you throw it hard enough
  • Pillow fighting is about pillows fighting, and its really depressing. If those things are fighting.. what hope do we have
  • When i see 2 geese fighting, I see a pillow fight ahead of time
  • An empty circle is a pie chart about procrastination
  • Game set match - Tennis <--> Set match run - Arson
  • 15% of owners of all hummers are dildoes. Another 15% are douche bags.
  • If you ever happen to come across a picture of the globe with a small dot somewhere in america, please return my potrait. I had it done from a distance.
  • I think the worst time to have a heart atack is during a game of charades, especially if your team is really bad at guessing
  • Vests are about protection.. bulletproof vests protect you from bullets.. sweater vests protect you from pretty girls
  • Drowning is a bad experience, but it would help a little if you were a little thirsty just before that
  • You can say thanks, and you can say thanks a million, but any number in between.. na na.. imagine saying - thanks a 56
  • 2 steps to becoming a bouncer - become an asshole.. stand at the door
  • My policy - no stones thrown regardless of housing situation(glass house or not)
  • Only people in glass houses should throw stones.. provided they are trapped inside
  • Glass half full - now thats an optimist.. but what if its a glass with shit in it..
  • Leather jacket -- cool .. leather vest -- not so cool .. deduction - cool is about leather sleeves
  • Wings are awesome.. add it to any animal to make a mythical creature - Horse -> Pegasus.. Lion -> Griffin.. Hawk -> Double Hawk.. yeahhhh
  • There should be video games to take care of all the guys who get shot at in all the other video games
  • So my friend who is a parent told me - watch for kids. I thought it sounded like a fair trade, especially if they are crappy kids.
  • I used to compete in sports a lot, until i found out that you can buy trophies. Now i am good at everything.
  • Saying "I Apologize" is the same as saying "Iam sorry" unless you are at a funeral..
  • Everything is pocket sized, if your ass is big enough
  • Make sure your pyjamas have pockets, if you want to avoid holding on to things while sleeping
  • I think pringles intended to make tennis balls. When they received potatoes instead of rubber, they were plain lazy and went ahead and cut them up
  • I think they named oranges before they named carrots
  • "Sort-of" is a harmless little filler , which means nothing , unless used after -"I love you", "You are gonna live", "Its a boy" -- it means everything then

Thats all for a peek into my borrowed wisdom stack.. as it stands today

Add to Technorati FavoritesBlogroll Me!

Monday, January 7, 2008

Best hindi movies of the past 3 years

Saw Tare Zameen Par with divi. Thoroughly enoyed it.. which prompted me to get prolific wid bloggin.. 2 in 2 days eh.. not bad.. I obviously am a sucker for lists .. being an espn.com nut.. one cant help but become a list nut.. so here is a list of all indian movies (in the last 3 years) that made my 3 hrs worth it - in reverse order
Paisa Wasool- Taaliyaan
Guru - Didnt care for the performances.. dhirubhai's story is inspiring nonetheless
Chameli - Am a kareena hater.. but its always good to be surprised..
Page 3 - konkana, "i will become the character i play" Sen is The best.. no arguments
Life in a Metro - Cool music.. again konkana rocks
1971 - I thought this was a neatly done war movie.. with minimal jingoism
Being Cyrus - Saif can act.. and Boman Irani CAN act
Corporate - Must say.. I expected this to be a drag and it managed to keep me glued
Chini Kum - Amitabhs chemistry with tabu is endearing
Pyaar kei Side effects - Had me in splits for the most part. Its not something i have some to expect of a rahul bose movie.. yet it is as much a ranvir shenoy and gasp.. mallika sherawat film
Jhakkas - First day first show front row
Iqbal - Shreyas and nasiruddin shah charm you in a simple feel good story on cricket
Manorama 6 feet under - Abhay deol is kinda refereshing. Did i mention gul panang rocks. So does Rimi Sen. The movie is very well constructed.. Keeps you glued
Dor - Transports you to the rural charms of rajasthan and Himachal using ayesha takia and gul panang(Is she cool or what) as strong feminist protaganists
Parineeta - Vidya balan shines along with vidhu vinod chopra.. nobody brings out mid 20th century charm quite like him
The Namesake - The magic is in the screenplay.. kal penn is mighty good
Munna Bhai 2 - A sequel as endearing as this cant be a fluke
Tare Zameen Par - Aamir has created something special.. darsheel and the artwork/animation in the film rocks. Shankar ehsaan loy has gifted a gem of a score. yummy
Khosla ka ghosla - still makes me feel insecure about my plot in Delhi.. Ranvir shenoy is awesome .. and so is kailash kher
Chak De - The bandar didnt spoil it.. an indian sports movie for the ages.. for a non existing genre in hindi cinema.. this is a classy effort.. partly inspired by that true gem.. bend it like.. and yes i hated Lagaan to the core
Bheja Fry - thank you vonay pathak.. the film is all yours..
Chak de phatte - 1000 ka black mei dega kya
Johny Gaddar - What an underrated film.. I was awestruck by it. Neil mukesh is a good actor.. This is easily shankar ehsaan loys top 3 effort. Sriram raghavan knows a thing or 2 about film-making
Rang De Basanti - What a comback from the director after that horror called aks.. Kunal kapoor was the find ofcourse..
Omkara - Flawless.. all credit to the director.. vishal bharadwaj is the 2nd best director out there in indian cinema.. did i mention saif can act.. and konkana CAN act
Hazaaron Khwaishein aisi - best ever??? do me a favor.. see it.. if you cant see it and have your mind feeling like a salivating tongue.. dont even bother talking to me .. and say after me - Sudhir misra is god. Where art thou Chitrangada Singh.. You left me dazzled, wanting more and being able to do nothing about it. Its a rare occasion that an actress has been able to pull off that role of a woman that any man can befriend, love and lust for.. and is hence always a dream away.. even when she is in his arms

I may have missed out a few here and there.. will retrofit as i remember.. please do let me know if i missed any . Please do not suggest Black(it was overrated and loud).. Remember the 3 year limit(2005 onwards)

Add to Technorati FavoritesBlogroll Me!

phat de chakke

phat de chakkeyyyyy.. Announcing the grand entrance of the punju in reverse gear..
And just in case you think you are above the low brow punju.. its inside of u already.. quite omnipresent infact - chak it out --> http://www.spoems.com/video_E8UZU_MtpOo.html

Add to Technorati FavoritesBlogroll Me!